Hello there, friends!
I am an odd human.
I suppose this goes without saying, if you look back at everything I have done in my life, like committing myself to becoming a writer, or staying up until ungodly hours thinking about fictional people that no one but myself truly understands.
Since the first conception of this novel, Haywood Micaye, in some way or another, has been on my mind. And that’s partly why I am calling myself odd right now, because in all reality he isn’t the kind of person you would like to dwell on for long periods of time.
Saying Haywood Micaye as a character is always on my mind sounds like a bit of a hyperbole, and in some ways it is. It hasn’t been 24/7, not by any means, but there will be times during the day when I will be doing something and he’ll just pop up in my head like that one annoying song lyric you can’t seem to escape from.
I adore him, and not because I can relate to him; I can’t. Or at least, I sincerely hope I can’t. Haywood Micaye is a man who has convinced himself that the sun rise and sets for his own personal gain, and he’s so narcissistic that it’s sickening. He argues with people under the guise that he can’t get along with them, but most of the time he’s just searching for a way to prove his dominance over everyone. I mean, this is a guy who believes that, with a good reason, murder can be made justifiable.
I adore Haywood Micaye because he is the first really interesting character that I have fleshed out.
I’ve had people with various backgrounds before in some of the things I’ve written, but nothing so complex and three dimensional as Haywood himself. I feel like one of the biggest problems that a reader could have with him is that he is so complex and set in his ways that it will probably be impossible for someone to admit that if they started talking in a bar they would enjoy being around him. He’s a very abrasive guy, and human in that sense.
I think that we’re all attracted to situations that give us power, whether we admit it or not: I know at least I am. I draw power when I play the know-it-all role in Language Arts, I draw it when people come up to me and ask me for writing help, and I certainly draw from it when I actually write. I’m speaking without any experience, but I’m sure its safe to agree that teachers feel this same kind of power when they are lecturing in front of a class or that a blacksmith feels it too when he’s making things out of metal. It’s human to enjoy being in control of something, and it’s this quest to find that control that probably leads people to becoming bossy and arrogant.
This is the struggle that I feel like Haywood is going through. He’s found his power, but he craves more, so he forces his way around by being rude and sociopathic in order to obtain more power. As the narrator of the story, he’s convinced himself that by acting like this he has become the best thing the world has ever seen. He’s a reflection of the self-centered nature of humanity that we tend to ignore on a day-to-day basis, and he exhibits all of our negative traits shamelessly.
He’s not someone that anyone should like, but “unlikable” shouldn’t be confused with “uninteresting”. My hope is that, despite his persona, I still create an interesting character for people. And this is the reason why I think about him so much: because I’m really obsessed with making sure I tell his story in the best way it can be told. Truthfully, that’s the basis of everything I do when I sit down to edit this book. I want it to be impactful, because that’s really what I want the story to be. Impactful.
I hope that by the end of this I will have met that goal.
Anyways, I know I’ve given you guys radio silence for a while now. I do have the intent on posting short stories, as I mentioned earlier, but if I’m going to be truthful I haven’t done a whole lot of work in that area. We have our first spring break coming up soon, and I have some reading I know I’m going to be doing over the five day break, but writing in some form or another will factor into that time as well, I assure you. Until then, I’ll succumb to the lateness of the hour and get some sleep. (Is it really 12:15 at night?)
Thank you for sticking through another rambling of mine. Maybe I should just make a series out of it or something if it begins to become a habit. XD
Until next time,